As the end of this crazy year is approaching (I can’t believe that it is that time of the year already), l wanted to make room in my life to welcome the new. I truly believe that our homes can be an outward expression of our hearts. I wanted the yearning for peace and calm to also show in my physical space. A blessing and curse of old homes, especially homes in NOLA, is that you don’t have a lot of storage. Limited storage space forced me to clear out a lot of things we no longer needed/used. And while I’m not a minimalist by any means, I realized that I had moved unused things from one apartment to the next one too many times to warrant keeping them any longer. I was feeling a bit overwhelmed by all the “stuff” I had hiding under our bed, in drawers and in cabinets (hello old sheets that I think I’ll one day use for the 4 beds we might have in our home 5 years from now). Here is how I was able to simplify and create space for newness in our home this season.
Identify why I was holding onto things
According to Randy O. Frost, a professor of psychology at Smith College and the co-author of “Stuff: Compulsive Hoarding and the Meaning of Things,” people hold on to objects for three basic reasons:
- Sentiment: evokes a feeling, reminding us of people, places, happy memories
- Utility: the I might use this later mentality
- Aesthetics: accumulating things we think are “beautiful” without the intent to organize or put into use
I started my decluttering journey by understanding why I was keeping all the extra stuff. For me, I mainly fell into the utility bucket. I had accumulated things for the one day activity, the one day outfit, the one day recipe. But, I never actually used any of that stuff. I had to let go of potential opportunities. This was kinda painful but it helped me be more present in the moment and be more true to me! Once I understood why I was keeping all the extra things, I was able to define what brought me true value. I started shaping my own story instead of holding onto the shoulds. Internally, I had created this fear that if I didn’t keep the items I thought I should have, even though I didn’t use them, I would somehow be left destitute. So, I examined what I actually used/wore in the last year as a starting point to define what brought value to my life. Short story, let go of the fear and be true to you.
Quality over Quantity
Getting married meant that Andy and I merged all of our things. As a result, there was a mismatch of worn furniture and clothing from college and medical school lagging with us. We decided that we wanted to clear out the old and elevate our home together with quality items that showed who we were as a couple. This is not to say we threw everything out in a wasteful manner, but that we became more purposeful about what we filled our home with. Clearing out the things that no longer served us helped me get creative with things I truly loved. I honestly feel like I have more because each piece now has a purpose. I wear more of my clothes, I open our recipe books and now love every piece of furniture we have.
Slow and steady
So how did we get to this place? It’s been a slow and steady process. I didn’t spend an entire day or weekend going through everything we own, that wasn’t possible for me. Maxwell Ryan, co-founder of Apartment Therapy, pointed to the reason I couldn’t do it all right away. “Your space is a home because of your deep connection to it and what’s in it. Because you’re so personally invested in your possessions, sudden change — even for good — is like surgery. You can cut quickly, but recovery can be very painful.” Ryan recommends a more “therapeutic” approach — tackling the clutter regularly and progressively. “By pacing the process,” he says, “the internal change — and detachment — happens in tandem with the external change, and the change sticks.”
Go slow friends.
Start an out box
For each object you are going through, my suggestion is to ask yourself, “Do I use it?” “Do I love it?” “Does my apartment need it?” Put any no’s in a designated box. I put everything we haven’t used in a year into the trunk of my car. I reassess the contents and there has only been one item we have pulled out since starting this process. What I’ve found is that I am becoming more detached from much of what I was initially reluctant to part with. Out of sight, out of mind. Using this technique, I was finally able to let go of the old sheet sets.
Need a place to start?
Author Shifrah Combiths of Apartment Therapy put together a list of things you can immediately get out of your house. I got a laugh out of this because it was like the author had written the list after visiting our apartment.
Outcomes thus far
I exchanged some pieces of old furniture on FB Marketplace ones that we love. We donated other things that we put in the ‘out box’ and tossed garbage bags full of old papers and magazines. There is more space not only in our home but also in my head and heart.
Decluttering my belongings definitely revealed attachments in my heart that needed to be dealt with. This process wasn’t just about filling a bag for Goodwill and removing physical items but in a way it also helped remove the discontent, greed, envy, pride, irresponsibility, or indifference that lead to such excess. This became a spiritual practice that truly made room not just in my closets, but in my heart.
Despite all the uncertainty that 2020 has brought, decisions are now falling into place. This might be the best payoff of all because once you’ve looked at hundreds of things and asked yourself if it stays or goes, decision-making gets a lot easier. Like many of you, I’m ready for a new year and maybe decluttering your home will also help you let go of any negativity that is weighing you down.